PulPit Bullies: Covert Spiritual Abuse by Narcissistic Preachers
A quick look throughout the Bible will bring to mind scripture about pride, arrogance, boasting and condemnation. I will not reference them here for it will take away the purpose of this post. If you really want them to back this up, I would be happy to send them to you privately.
I don't throw labels around very often. In fact, I am anti-label. But in order to convey this message, I am using labels to make explanation more concise to serve the discussion regardinv Pulpit Bullies.
Pulpit Bullies use Aggressive words, condescending tones, name calling, subtle backhanded compliments, gaslighting and dismissal and delusional thinking that their stance is perfect and everyone else is wrong Their bombastic arrogance comes from the need to be right and adopts the same traits as an abuser or narcissistic abuser who plays with your spirituality as s platform.
Collin Hanson, an expert on bullying with supportive scripture states, "For far too long we’ve tolerated this kind of leadership that should plainly disqualify pastors by several standards in Titus 1:7–8. Why do we think it’s okay for pastors to abuse their members and fellow leaders so long as they don’t steal money or have sex outside marriage?"
And I don't throw the term "abuse" around lightly these days either. I won't even drag the term out in discussion unless the spade is a spade. And Pulpit bullies definitely trump in spades in this card game!
The abuse is far more subversive and subtle than being punched in the face or witnessing a violent act of spousal abuse. Bruises are easy to comprehend as violence on a target. Spiritual abuse is much more undetectable since Pulpit Bullies are masters of stealth hiding behind doctrine to justify poor behaviors.
When we think of Pastors who lead their sheep, we think of Christ in his manner of doing so. Gentle, kind, patient and holding people firmly accountable in grace. Jesus was firm but he was not mean. Jesus didn’t use language that would hurt, harm or shame them. He didn’t use language that called his “friends” apathetic, ignorant or “out of touch with reality and truth.” He did not define our reality for us by telling us what we need to believe about ourselves. He did not give us Grace to slam someone spiritually so they run away.
Spiritual abuse is most associated with sex and money scandal. Little attention is paid to the subtle narcissistic tendencies that an Aggressive Pastoral PulPit Bully uses to manipulate and shame the people who follow. And those who have fallen for those tactics are most often blind to it because the abusive Pastor uses the word of God to justify harshness because "truth at all costs" no matter how its relayed.
Of course this also needs to be said that the majority of pastors, guide their flocks with gentle compassion, truth and love. The time has come to NOT ignore those who shepherd those flocks with righteous indignation and any one opposing the pulpit bully’s theory will be shut down. That is the manipulation tactic to gain control over people which is also a toxic connection to those who can’t see it. Pulpit Bullies get all hot and bothered when others see through their toxic micro aggression and call others “too sensitive” (Gray, 2014).
However, and sadder still, the followers who don’t see the toxic way in which a PulPit Bull is coaxing them deeper by manipulation is even worse. For they do not recognize bullying as a problem, they see it as strong leadership and follow right along like sheeple to reinforce the narcissistic preacher bully’s theories as correct. After all people crave leadership even if the leader is abusive (Stockholm Syndrome overtones inserted here).
This week I have had three agnostic and atheists private message me about a Preacher who used language to shame them and condemn their position on faith. They reached out to me as a believer in Christ and said to me, “if that preacher is what being saved is all about, I will stay an atheist.” If they are domineering bullies (Matt 20:25; 1 Tim 3:3; 1 Pet 5:3) there’s a reason for people to feel this way. Such behavior wounds much more deeply than most people can possibly imagine. And if only one person mentioned this. I probably would have blown it off. But three private messages and 3 others calling out condemnation and poor behavior on the social media thread? That's a problem.
Three times this preacher was called out for poor behavior, judging people of differing opinions and then was told, “I will not argue with those who refuse to see the truth”. That’s gaslighting right there. Who said this person was arguing? This person was stating an opinion just as much as this bully was. However, the bully stands in defensive mode and shuts down anyone who opposes his beliefs or thinking.
Lost souls are not going to run headfirst to Jesus if they meet a pulpit bully. They will run like their hair is on fire and justify their atheism or agnosticism as their path because quite honestly, who wants to be condemned for their beliefs? Who wants to be told they are an ignoramus or be disrespected for just being a human being who believes differently than they do?
Exploring individuals who want to learn about faith will not tolerate PulPit Bulls who say they are “ignorant”, “apathetic”, “wrong”, or are mocked. Pulpit Bulls use proclamations of condescension of opposing views to call attention to themselves. “It’s National Atheist Day!” is one such proclamation by a PulPit Bull that stirred controversy from the atheists who were watching. It made one of those atheists BLOCK this preacher. Now what next for her salvation? His flock followed suit mocking the National Atheists Day when the Bible teaches that individuals should sit with her like the woman at the well.
And this Chump Gang represented something much more than small-town politics or position on social media. His mocking was a Prime example of gaslighting, shut down, judgment, bullying and trying to connect backward with a lost sheep who may have asked more questions if she wasn’t RUN OFF by the “preacher almighty.”
Here are Four Passages that support this. The KJV Bible for Believers is the inerrant infallible word of God. For those who don’t believe this, the Bible holds amazing Wisdom as a life guide.
The Scriptures are quite clear: it is enough. Sex and money are not the only issues. How shepherds (mis)treat their sheep is a key part of ministry qualifications. Consider just four
verses.
1. “Therefore an overseer must be . . . not violent but gentle” (1 Tim. 3:3).
While at first glance this qualification may seem to refer to physical abuse only, the Greek word for “violent” (πλήκτης) is more all-encompassing. The HCSB gets it right: “Not a bully, but gentle.”
2. “Shepherd the flock of God . . . not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock” (1 Pet. 5:3).
Again, notice that Peter recognizes an inherent tendency in leaders to wield their authority wrongly, through domination, intimidation, or heavy-handed leadership. The Greek word here (κατακυριεύω) is literally “lord it over.” In contrast, the shepherd of God’s flock leads by example, not by force.
Narcissictic Preachers have no idea how not to lead by covert manipulative force. Covert in the fact that they may present as shy, charming spiritual leaders. They are affable but have an agenda. They are charming but seething with deceit under neath it all. Beautiful sheep’s clothing is really a wolf knocking at the door. A covert Narcissist is someone who craves attention but lacks empathy for differences of views in a consistent manner every single time (such as shutting down anyone who differs in opinion or just overtly telling them to ‘just scroll on by’ and ignores their accountability for being generally a real asshole).
3. “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant” (Matt. 20:25).
Jesus says this soon after some of his disciples request positions of power at his right and left. So, he clarifies the manner of leadership for the church. He begins again with the negative: not like the Gentiles who “lord it over,” but in the spirit of a “servant.” On this score, it’s noteworthy that many biblical leaders wrap their identity around the term servant (Rom 1:1; Titus 1:1; James 1:1; 2 Pet. 1:1).
4. “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone” (2 Tim. 2:24).
The prohibition against being quarrelsome does not rule out disagreement, debate, or even vigorous theological exchanges. But it does rule out language or behavior that is belittling, abusive, harsh, or derogatory. In contrast, the qualified Christian leader is “kind to everyone.”
In summary, qualified leaders should be characterized as follows:
Not a bully, but gentle
Not domineering, but setting an example.
Not lording it over, but being a servant.
Not quarrelsome, but kind
But the gaslighter bully preacher will argue they are not being quarrelsome by saying they won’t argue. Which is quarrelsome anyway. It is lording their opinion over another and saying “please obey me as your leader and if you don’t like it, I’ll shut you down or ask you to just keep scrolling.” When a Pastor demands their way in everything, tolerates no dissent or difference of opinion and ousts, shuts down and anyone who disobeys him, they have a tendency to intimidate dissent by a barrage of scripture to try and justify their position. This is called “hiding your abuse behind God’s word” in the rawest form. Then the wearing down tactics start. Which is common for any kind of abuse where the abuser bombards their position over and over and over wearing the target down where the target eventually agrees and gets sucked in or walks away in anger and disgust. Either way, the Bully Preacher wins and feels victorious that HIS self righteousness and spiritual abuse is backed by the Almighty Word of God and that the target is “wrong”.
Bully preachers also dominate other preachers in their area. They will not allow other balanced leaders whose leadership is an advocacy of faith to state their opinions either. The Bully Preacher’s opinion is the only opinion that counts.
John III specifically calls attention to Spiritual Bullying. In a nutshell because looking it up can be a pain, John III says that Preacher Bullies reject outside interference, bringing accusation against the opposition, and putting people out (or making then run away) when they oppose him.
Bully Preachers have the need to be right and debate semantics to create distractions from the real issue at hand. Did Jesus raise from the dead on Friday? No, he did not.. Historically at least. But those Bully Preachers want to DISTRACT others by sucking them into a toxic relationship so followers will jump on the bandwagon and join the fuckery because they are being HOOKED like a fish staring at a shiny lure in the water.
OH LOOK A SQUIRREL! LOOK OVER HERE SHEEPLE.. Never mind that the preacher is using language and undertones of abusive manipulation to gain power. Servant Leadership is not a word I would use here! Ha!
Today is not the day to go into the upbringing of said PulPit Bulls because that could take forever. But I do want to mention that Narcissistic Leadership in Churches present a spectrum of tendencies. What that means is that PulPit Bulls are on a scale of narcissism that exceeds normal pride and humility. They are stepping into the pathological tendencies of psychopathology that are extremely divergent from normative or desirable leadership behaviors.
Dr. Craig Malkin, Harvard School of Professional Psychology will also agree that Narcissism will have tendencies ranging on a spectrum from 1 to 10: and 10 being completely criminally psychopathological to the point of being dangerous to society. The average person on their best day and even being proud of their accomplishments will sit around “5”. 6 if you have something you like to be proud of. Preachers, leaders and other individuals in positions of power typically sit around a 6. Sadly the statistics don’t lie either. Stanford conducted a study of narcissism and abuse of powers in leadership positions (that includes leaders of countries and those in pastoral roles) will stay about a 6.5 on the Narcissistic spectrum on a constant basis. When an individual is on level “7” on the narcissistic scale, those who are experienced in discerning a spiritual narcissistic abuser will see ALL the red flags. When a preacher sitting at an "8" – that is stepping into the pathological hell fire pretty darn quick!
Narcissistic Preachers are really amazing at blinding their flock, especially those who make proclamations on Social media. The ones who agree with the Bully will get Love Bombing, Affirmations, support, encouragement and Scriptural support (given out of context) to justify the Narcissitic Bully Preacher. The Shining Squirrel Effect (I may have to trademark that) is when the flock will “ fall head over heels in love” with the Narcissistic Bully Preacher because they really don’t know him in any other capacity or personally. Narcissistic Spiritual Abusers are masterful at keeping relationships surface to show off the “shining squirrel over there!”
This sadly speaks volumes to the individuals who fall for the bullying tactics but are blind to it. Those who don’t see bullying statistically most likely have their own cognitive dissonance to resolve. They fall prey to believing that condemnation of Holy Fire and Brimstone is “the way, the truth and the light”. Arrested spiritual development starts to seep into the flock under the leadership of a Pulpit Bully. The Pulpit Bully then praises them for being so “correct, righteous and right.” They stop growing spiritually and they never leave..and the cycle continues. The Preacher love bombs, affirms and sings their praises. And why is it so important for a Narcissistic Preacher Bully to keep his flocks under his wings? One simple answer: EXPOSURE that he is a fraud, a fake, an abuser and a narcissist. Exposure is the Narcissistic Bully Preacher’s worst enemy. If you expose one, you better get ready for the largest smear campaign of your life! Narcissist Bully Preachers hate exposure to the truth of who they really are. I think they would rather lose their salvation than be exposed on this earth. And if you have seen a Narcissist be exposed, then you know what I am talking about. Literally all Hell breaks loose.
So gotta keep those masses down, down, down.... Way down they go!! Does the Narc. Preacher have salavation? Yep! They do, they are still saved by the blood of Christ and that is permanent and that will never undo what Jesus did on the Cross. That’s the amazing thing about Grace! Christ grants Grace through Salvation. Sin is sin in God’s eyes… the severity of which we give it value is a "human thing.” However, that doesn’t make Spiritual Abuse ok. But for those who wonder, those who are saved by the blood of Christ will be still saved. But I can guarantee that the Good Lord is an amazing Parent to His children and those Bullies will be dealt with as God states that Vengeance is his.
I digress…
Historical accounts of churches have had these problems since the new testament was written. That is why it is mentioned in scriptures so much! Corinthians shows us this in Paul’s letters, Galatians as well and petty egoism in III John have been with us from the beginning! When members of the body of Christ see through the bullpit, typically they will leave that church because leadership is no longer following the Will of God.
Is there a solution to Narcissitic Preachers who commit acts of spiritual abuse on members of their flock? Of course there is. But taking the Narcissictic Pit Bull into a process to make them aware of themselves is NOT the answer. They will continue to love the discontent that you are spewing at them as a way to gain attention and acquire their much needed love supply from the disdain that you are throwing at them: they want and love to see you squirm in your emotional discomfort and mock you for being wrong spiritually. Talking the Narc. Bully Preacher is like trying to herd a cat.
But there is nothing wrong at stating the facts about how a Preacher may be a PulPit Bully who herds shining squirrels to throw their flock off balance. If your pastor or preacher exhibits any of these things on a regular basis, this is spiritual abuse. How can you spot one… watch how the preacher handles differences of opinion in any situation: watch how that preacher handles his words or if he/she shuts down opposing views. Abusers come in many forms and abusive tactics are no different than domestic violence or in any other domain where abuse can be prevalent.
The shining squirrel over there that you eventually see just might be the only way you save yourself . A Shepherd wouldn’t call one of his sheep “ignorant or wrong”. A Shepherd would tend to the needs of the sheep and not shame it for existing.
